I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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