he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
