I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
