If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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