We're facebook friends in real life
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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