Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
