Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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