I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
