just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
