"it" just moved
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
