were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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