The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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