I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
