apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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