Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
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