the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
