everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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