I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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