I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
