just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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