Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
