I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
