She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
