Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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