after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
should my penis look like a turkey
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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