That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
