Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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