ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
