just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
