Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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