maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
