At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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