why didn't you poke me back
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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