Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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