Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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