hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
