did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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