Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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