oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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