Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
