The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
