maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
