went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
