You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
