I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
