I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
