dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
