she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Randomize
