I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
