She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize