This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
