elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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