Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
