I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Buhtt sex?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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