I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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