I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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