Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
