but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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