I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
