I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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