oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
