On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
