thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
