He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
