matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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