he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
