yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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