U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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