Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
