Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
