so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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