Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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