I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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