This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
