All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
