I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
