I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
