are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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