when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
