The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
