my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
