Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
