just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
