Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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