yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
