I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
