Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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