you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
