It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize