I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
