On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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