Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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