just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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