So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
