just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
