I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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