best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
