can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
