yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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