I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
