So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
