Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
