I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
