You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
