Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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