I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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