Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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