the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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