I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
