yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
