If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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